Me and my diary….

Me and my diary have started spending time together,
And everything starts to seem beautiful altogether.

Me and my blank pages have started spending time together,
And all the pain seems fading away altogether. 

My diary is blank:
Cannot speak,
But, has started to ease my pain altogether.
It eases me and soaks my tears,
Without any fears.

I love my diary more than anyone else now,
For it lessens my pain and listens to me
without any judgement and
is impartial to me.

On a white page,
I pour out my tears and fears altogether,
Me and my blank pages have started spending time together,
And everything starts to seem so beautiful altogether.

Another time,
Yet I sit again alone;
On this brown chair, in this room,
Me and my loneliness have started spending time together.

I picked up this pen again,
And started to blacken the white pages again,
 
Me and my diary have started spending time together,
Me and my happiness have started travelling together,
And I know we'll discover something better for the world altogether.

Rape

You!
Yes! You make her the victim,
Her body has already been assaulted,
Men have shown an animal like behavior to her,
and have climbed on top of her one after the other.
Her body has been scraped into pieces.

And you,
You, my dear society: blame her for this.
She was a victim that day,
and you make her a victim every day.

Her body has been assaulted,
Her body has been bruised,
Her body is in pain,
She is fighting with herself!
And you, my dear society,
You make her invaluable:
For she is not pure anymore.

For your standards of purity 
lie in her virginity,
For you teach your sons to find
virgin brides for themselves,
For your standards of purity 
lie in between her legs and
not in her heart.

Yes! She is a rape victim.
You make her the victim.
Her body was assaulted that day,
You, assault her mind every day.

You! my dear society,
who look at her with pitiful eyes;
Whisper in each other's ears and 
talk about her rape while she is walking.
It's you who make her feel uncomfortable.

It's because of you, that every night
she shuts the door of her room and cries,
and tries to kill herself.
I blame you for this.

It's because of you, that she gets hard on herself
in the shower;
tries to rub her body hard,
and her mind harder.

Thinking that this water will wash away 
all the memories of that night,
Will erase the trauma from her life.
But, you put a stigma on her.

She is hurt,
She has lost herself,
her inner strength,
her ability to fight.

She needs your love.
She needs the same respect that
 she had before that night.

Her body may have been bruised that night,
But her modesty lives,
And will continue to live forever.

For her modesty does not lie in between her legs,
But in her heart,
In her mind.
Modesty lies in her soul.

She yearns acceptance from you,
She was raped once that night.
And you, my dear society,
You rape her everyday.

Those vulgar questions that she
is constantly asked,
Have you ever thought;
it kills her every single moment.
Every single night,
She cannot sleep because the hard memories of 
that night floods into her head.

Have you ever thought;
how many times she tried to kill herself;
even when she knew it wasn't her fault.

Instead of helping her,
You, my dear society,
You question her dress sense,
Your question her love for alcohol,
You question her innocence,
You question her character,
Even worse,
You question her 'normalcy'.

You, my dear society,
You warn your sons to stay away from her,
You bar your sons from loving her,
For she is not a virgin anymore.
For you, her modesty lies in between her legs;
and not in her heart.

She was raped once that night,
And you my dear society:
you raped her ever since then,
and will continue to do so.

That night is long gone.
But, it's my humble request to you,
that you;
My dear society,
"You stop raping her!"

She dealt with the rape that night 
somehow,
Don't make her deal with it every day
anyhow.

Will you love me?

Will you love me?
Will you love me if I confess.
Or if say yes, "I'm in love!",
Will you say a "Yes?".

Or may I keep my thoughts to myself?
Will you walk with me throughout my life?
Or will you leave me in between:
and leave me alone to walk the rest of the path myself.

Will you say a yes to me?
Or you may say you are with someone already.

Will you love me?
Will you love me if I confess?
Will you say a yes?
Or will you break my heart.

Confliction between my thoughts stop me,
Stop me for yet another time,
Is it love?
Or is it attraction?
I don't know.
It maybe love,
Or it maybe attraction;
For I have experienced none.

But, if I decide that it's love,
And, gather the courage to ask you,
Will you love me?
Will you love me if I confess.
Will you accept me?
Or will you tell me you are taken already.

Will you love me for who I am?
Will you love my 'soul'?
Will you say a 'yes'?
Or will you break my heart and tell me you are taken.

If I find the courage to gather my thoughts,
Or if I sort my thoughts and decide;
it's love and not attraction,
Will you love me then?
Will you love me if I confess
and say a yes.
Or will I too, like others have to deal with a heartbreak;
and a heartache.

Do you have the courage to say a yes,
Will you love me?
Will you love me until I die.
Or will you leave me halfway.
Will you love me if I confess?
And will you grow old with me,
Or will you break my heart.

Yes!!
I confess...
I love you and
Will you love me back?
Or will you leave me heartbroken.

Will you love me if I tell you I'm in love,
Or will you love me for my outer beauty,
Don't love me for my outer beauty,
For outer beauty fades away,
Yes! it does.
Love me for love's sake.


Is it love?

A young girl, turns into a young woman from a girl,
And from braid she loves her hair to get curl.
She fumbles through her thoughts to find answers to her questions.
She sits in the warming night, on her rocking chair feeling her thoughts.
Her feelings are unknown even to her.
The answer that her heart tries to unscramble is that is it just the attraction?
Or is it love?
From a girl, she turns into a woman,
This transformation feels unusual.
The first time she saw him;
the sight is still young in her eyes.
The first time she saw him;
the feel is still same in her heart.
The first time she heard his voice;
the sound is still the same in her ears.
Whatever it is;
attraction or love,
"It just feels good", her heart whispers.
As simple as that.
From a young girl, she transforms into a woman.
Trying to get answers through her logics,
But, these logics don't work anymore.
Is it love or just attraction?
yet again she thinks to herself.
Whatever it is;
attraction or love,
"It just feels good",her heart whispers....

Thousand Sleepless Nights !!

Thousand sleepless nights,
Thousand memories,
Thousand questions,
Mind is unsettled and heart restless.
Dealing with this phase of life is unusual,
Ache in the heart, sadness in the heart.
Heart is about to die, the fuel that runs the heart 
is all exhausted now.
But, the hope says "babygirl!! Try one more time."
This hope works as a tonic, as a medicine.
Dealing with unhappiness is not easy,
Yet the conscious efforts will lead to something I know.
Where the course and path of life is taking 
me is unanswered; 
Thousand sleepless nights,
Thousand thoughts invading the heart and mind.
Sometimes, it's the craziness that melts the 
heart down.
And the hope yet works as a drug!!
Embracing self love,
Trying to make sense out of the world,
Realising that time is less,
From where is this sadness born and
unhappiness born.
It's origin is yet unknown.
Thousand memories invading my heart continuously 
and are actually painful and beautiful.
World is a beautiful place to live in,
Suddenly, every single person seems 
unique and special to me,
Heart says,"Girl! Go and help them out!"
"But, before helping others, you need yourself Noor!!,
help yourself, embrace yourself, you'll be fine," yells
out my heart to me.
Thousand sleepless night,
Thousand memories,
Thousand tears and
Thousand unanswered questions.
Words are flowing out of my heart one after
the other.
Don't know where the course of life is 
taking me.
I feel that I have less time,
says my gut.
Thousand sleepless nights,
Thousand unanswered questions,
Heart restless.
At times, Heart just wants to embrace the emotions 
and unhappiness in an unusual way,
Dancing madly to my own tunes, with
earphones on,
Dancing to fall in love with my inner 
soul yet again,
This way of dealing with unhappiness is
unusual yet beautiful,
Dancing to celebrate the"party" of life,
Dancing to pour out the love into the
world,
Dancing to rest my heart,
Dancing to help my mind,
Dancing to help my body.
This dance again works as a drug!!
As a hope!!
As an escape from piercing pain.
Though for a few moments,
And the unhappiness invades yet again.
Thousand sleepless nights would turn 
into a peaceful sleep one day,
Thousand unanswered questions would 
be answered one day,
Thousand memories would be settled
one day,
And that day, I'll be in a long sleep,
Never to be woken up ever again,
Never to be able to see myself or
the world ever again,
There would be people sitting around me,
Crying and Wiping their tears,
Saying "Wish! you had some more time
Noor!!"
That day, I'd look way more beautiful than
I ever looked beautiful.
I would be lying down, unable to speak and
thinking to myself "Oh!!! IT WAS A GOOD LIFE!!"
People would be crying and praying,
But I will want to say,"Don't weep, but PARTY!!,
let me go gracefully!!"
This was a beautiful journey and gave me much
more than I ever deserved.
"Don't weep, it's okay, my part was only till here
with you!! I need to go and I am happy to go!!"

A tribute to my father !!

Dear dad, it's been seven months,
But, wounds in my heart, still young.
Felt blessed to have you in my life,
From "I'm done with this life" to
 "I'll make this life worth living, 
I've come so far.
People see me with sympathetic eyes,
I thank them for their kindness yet
 I want to portray a clear picture that
"I don't want sympathy",
"I'm a strong young woman."
Remembering those days, 
tears roll down all the way through my face,
I wipe them yet again,
And again and still feel grateful that 
'atleast' I had you in my life.
The course of pain has yet changed,
 has yet transformed.
Amount of pain cannot be measured but can be dealt 
and felt in whichever way I want it to go.
Few months back, I used to wait all day and 
would run at my heels to open the door for you,
My lips would make a perfect one- eighty degree 
angle upon seeing you,
My lips still make a one- eighty degree angle,
 but this angle is for the memories that we made.
For the days spent together,
For the time spent together,
For those conversations that both of us had; 
unaware of the fact that those conversations
 would end so soon.
From a kid, I've grown up into an adult now,
Dealing with pain and life somehow.
The places and people are all the same,
The only difference is that I see them alone now.
Few months back, the front seats of the car 
were occupied by both of us,
And now, it's me alone.
Few months back, I would wait for you to come home,
Wait is still the same,
The only difference is that now I wait 
for you to come in my dreams.
The course of pain is yet changed,
Only to be embedded in my heart more deeply 
with every passing moment.
But now, I've learnt to deal with it with a 
beautiful curve spread across my lips.
Yet, the meaning of life has changed for me now,
A promise is made to my inner soul by my mind
 that I'll make this life worth living,
I'll pour meaning into it,
I'll pour love into it,
And I'll pour kindness into it.
Life will continue till my time comes,
Only difference is that I value it more now.
I value memories more now,
I value precious moments more now,
I value the beauty of relationships more now.
'Gratefulness' and 'Mindfulness' have become 
my two new best friends now.
I miss you dad!
Every single moment,
But, I'm grateful to god that out of 
the whole world he chose me to be your daughter. 


“Life is but a short journey”

Life is but a short journey,
Here we are, for not more than a few moments,
 a few days or maybe a few years,
Time flies,
Soon, we have to leave without any lies, 
Life is but a short journey.
A destination not yet decided,
It's happening right now.
Love infinitely while you are still alive,
Love before you die,
Love before it's time to go
Life is but a short journey.
Spend time with your loved ones,
Cherish the beauty of humankind before it's time to go,
Look at the flowers and admire the beauty of it,
Cherish it,
Before it's time to go,
Life is but a short journey.
Love before you die,
Love now because when it's time to go,
 you won't even get a chance to say your last goodbye,
Live with happiness and spread kindness,
For today we are alive, tomorrow we will be in the photos, 
Life is but a short journey.
Life is an illusion but death; a reality,
Life is but a short journey.
Don't fall for materials, but for people,
Fall for love,
Love is not easy, yet the most beautiful feeling.
Heartbreaks and heartaches would be dealt and fixed,
Love before it's time to go,
Smile before it's time to go.
Wipe your tears yet again,
Dress up and smile infront of the mirror,
Live with hope before it's time to say final goodbye.
Say "SEE YOU NEXT TIME!" instead of "BYE-BYE",
 for goodbyes are not meant to be while we are still alive,
Love before you will be in the photos,
Life is but a short journey.