A young girl, turns into a young woman from a girl, And from braid she loves her hair to get curl. She fumbles through her thoughts to find answers to her questions. She sits in the warming night, on her rocking chair feeling her thoughts. Her feelings are unknown even to her. The answer that her heart tries to unscramble is that is it just the attraction? Or is it love? From a girl, she turns into a woman, This transformation feels unusual. The first time she saw him; the sight is still young in her eyes. The first time she saw him; the feel is still same in her heart. The first time she heard his voice; the sound is still the same in her ears. Whatever it is; attraction or love, "It just feels good", her heart whispers. As simple as that. From a young girl, she transforms into a woman. Trying to get answers through her logics, But, these logics don't work anymore. Is it love or just attraction? yet again she thinks to herself. Whatever it is; attraction or love, "It just feels good",her heart whispers....
Thousand sleepless nights, Thousand memories, Thousand questions, Mind is unsettled and heart restless. Dealing with this phase of life is unusual, Ache in the heart, sadness in the heart. Heart is about to die, the fuel that runs the heart is all exhausted now. But, the hope says "babygirl!! Try one more time." This hope works as a tonic, as a medicine. Dealing with unhappiness is not easy, Yet the conscious efforts will lead to something I know. Where the course and path of life is taking me is unanswered; Thousand sleepless nights, Thousand thoughts invading the heart and mind. Sometimes, it's the craziness that melts the heart down. And the hope yet works as a drug!! Embracing self love, Trying to make sense out of the world, Realising that time is less, From where is this sadness born and unhappiness born. It's origin is yet unknown. Thousand memories invading my heart continuously and are actually painful and beautiful. World is a beautiful place to live in, Suddenly, every single person seems unique and special to me, Heart says,"Girl! Go and help them out!" "But, before helping others, you need yourself Noor!!, help yourself, embrace yourself, you'll be fine," yells out my heart to me. Thousand sleepless night, Thousand memories, Thousand tears and Thousand unanswered questions. Words are flowing out of my heart one after the other. Don't know where the course of life is taking me. I feel that I have less time, says my gut. Thousand sleepless nights, Thousand unanswered questions, Heart restless. At times, Heart just wants to embrace the emotions and unhappiness in an unusual way, Dancing madly to my own tunes, with earphones on, Dancing to fall in love with my inner soul yet again, This way of dealing with unhappiness is unusual yet beautiful, Dancing to celebrate the"party" of life, Dancing to pour out the love into the world, Dancing to rest my heart, Dancing to help my mind, Dancing to help my body. This dance again works as a drug!! As a hope!! As an escape from piercing pain. Though for a few moments, And the unhappiness invades yet again. Thousand sleepless nights would turn into a peaceful sleep one day, Thousand unanswered questions would be answered one day, Thousand memories would be settled one day, And that day, I'll be in a long sleep, Never to be woken up ever again, Never to be able to see myself or the world ever again, There would be people sitting around me, Crying and Wiping their tears, Saying "Wish! you had some more time Noor!!" That day, I'd look way more beautiful than I ever looked beautiful. I would be lying down, unable to speak and thinking to myself "Oh!!! IT WAS A GOOD LIFE!!" People would be crying and praying, But I will want to say,"Don't weep, but PARTY!!, let me go gracefully!!" This was a beautiful journey and gave me much more than I ever deserved. "Don't weep, it's okay, my part was only till here with you!! I need to go and I am happy to go!!"
Dear dad, it's been seven months, But, wounds in my heart, still young. Felt blessed to have you in my life, From "I'm done with this life" to "I'll make this life worth living, I've come so far. People see me with sympathetic eyes, I thank them for their kindness yet I want to portray a clear picture that "I don't want sympathy", "I'm a strong young woman." Remembering those days, tears roll down all the way through my face, I wipe them yet again, And again and still feel grateful that 'atleast' I had you in my life. The course of pain has yet changed, has yet transformed. Amount of pain cannot be measured but can be dealt and felt in whichever way I want it to go. Few months back, I used to wait all day and would run at my heels to open the door for you, My lips would make a perfect one- eighty degree angle upon seeing you, My lips still make a one- eighty degree angle, but this angle is for the memories that we made. For the days spent together, For the time spent together, For those conversations that both of us had; unaware of the fact that those conversations would end so soon. From a kid, I've grown up into an adult now, Dealing with pain and life somehow. The places and people are all the same, The only difference is that I see them alone now. Few months back, the front seats of the car were occupied by both of us, And now, it's me alone. Few months back, I would wait for you to come home, Wait is still the same, The only difference is that now I wait for you to come in my dreams. The course of pain is yet changed, Only to be embedded in my heart more deeply with every passing moment. But now, I've learnt to deal with it with a beautiful curve spread across my lips. Yet, the meaning of life has changed for me now, A promise is made to my inner soul by my mind that I'll make this life worth living, I'll pour meaning into it, I'll pour love into it, And I'll pour kindness into it. Life will continue till my time comes, Only difference is that I value it more now. I value memories more now, I value precious moments more now, I value the beauty of relationships more now. 'Gratefulness' and 'Mindfulness' have become my two new best friends now. I miss you dad! Every single moment, But, I'm grateful to god that out of the whole world he chose me to be your daughter.
Life is but a short journey, Here we are, for not more than a few moments, a few days or maybe a few years, Time flies, Soon, we have to leave without any lies, Life is but a short journey. A destination not yet decided, It's happening right now. Love infinitely while you are still alive, Love before you die, Love before it's time to go Life is but a short journey. Spend time with your loved ones, Cherish the beauty of humankind before it's time to go, Look at the flowers and admire the beauty of it, Cherish it, Before it's time to go, Life is but a short journey. Love before you die, Love now because when it's time to go, you won't even get a chance to say your last goodbye, Live with happiness and spread kindness, For today we are alive, tomorrow we will be in the photos, Life is but a short journey. Life is an illusion but death; a reality, Life is but a short journey. Don't fall for materials, but for people, Fall for love, Love is not easy, yet the most beautiful feeling. Heartbreaks and heartaches would be dealt and fixed, Love before it's time to go, Smile before it's time to go. Wipe your tears yet again, Dress up and smile infront of the mirror, Live with hope before it's time to say final goodbye. Say "SEE YOU NEXT TIME!" instead of "BYE-BYE", for goodbyes are not meant to be while we are still alive, Love before you will be in the photos, Life is but a short journey.
I ask this world and all the people out there what acceptance means to you? A simple word with a simple dictionary meaning, yet so complicated in the form. A word which has a lot to itself.
Struggles are a tough part of life. Every single being on this earth is struggling. Life is hard for a two year old, for a teenager, for an adult and for an old man as well. But, acceptance has the POWER to LESSEN not only your own hardships but also of the other person.
The most tedious part which almost everyone of us go through is accepting ourselves. ACCEPT YOURSELF THE WAY YOU ARE. Cherish it. Enjoy the beauty of it. Analyse yourself and then change what you don’t like for everything in this world can be FIXED AS LONG AS YOU ARE ALIVE. Not accepting yourself is analogous to lying to your own self.
Accept if love someone. Accept if your sexual preferences are different from that of others. Accept is you are depressed. Accept if you feel unloved. Accept if you have low self esteem. Accept if you have weight issues. Accept if you feel lonely. Accept if you feel scared. Accept if you get rejected by someone. Accept yourself and love yourself the way you are. AFTER ACCEPTING IT, GO THROUGH A PATH OF TRANSFORMATION FOR A POSITIVE CHANGE.
As a society, we need to accept other people the way they are. We need to accept and respect people the way they are. A rape victim, a disabled person, a depressed person, a homeless person and a prostitute, all of them deserve to be accepted and respected equally. We, as a society have to be inclusive. It is rather our duty to make this place a better place than before. It is our duty to make them feel better. To help them and tell them that “DARLING!!! YOU WILL BE OKAY.”
COMPLAINING IS NOTHING, ACCEPTANCE IS EVERYTHING !!!!!
“Goodevening ma’am! How was your flight?” said Noder presenting a bouquet of fresh roses to Sargun. Noder loaded the luggage into the black Lamborghini and held the door open for his boss Sargun. She slayed in her dress. Her tall legs and fair skin complemented her attitude even more. “Straight to the office.” “Sure ma’am.” No sooner does she reached the office than she ordered everyone to leave her alone in her office. She cried. Weeped more when she glanced at the nameplate of their company reading ‘NOOR&SARGUN CO.’ Her frustration and agony led her to throw away the files from the table. She cried harder. This company, both of them had started together. It had its good and bad times. But, the girls kept faith in themselves and worked hard. And here she was, owning everything. They had name and fame. Both of them were put on the Forbes list of ‘TOP 10 RICHEST PEOPLE’ in the North America.
Sargun now felt cheated by god that Noor left her. Never in her wildest dream did she ever think of something like this. Noor looked after the office in India and other asian countries. The offices of the company were extended to twenty four different countries. Their company was awarded several times. Sargun couldn’t control her emotions. She felt weak and lonely inside but didn’t want to show her pain to the world. Hence, she dressed up so elegantly and behaved normally in the outer world. Her heart was broken into numerous pieces. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. “Sorry to disturb you ma’am, but this parcel arrived few days ago while you were in india.” “Thanks for the parcel and cancel all my meetings for today.” “Sure ma’am.”
“And mark my clear instructions, I don’t want anyone to disturb me today.” After the employee leaves, Sargun glances at the packet. It had her name on it and Vancouver’s address. The postal address was from India, somewhere in Punjab. The sender’s name was not there. She put the packet aside as she wanted to grieve for her friend, for her other half. She sat alone in silence, dejected and depressed. She just wanted to grieve in silence but the white parcel on the table became a distraction. Her curiosity to open that parcel grew more because it was sent from Punjab, where her beloved friend died. Also, a place which made her a killer. The packet grabbed her attention so much that she felt the sudden urge to open it.
As soon as she opened it, it had a note which read “I worked as a RAW AGENT in Yemen. And further you’ll find an envelope in this box which has some photographs. Make me a shareholder of EIGHTY PERCENT of your company and come to meet me in Marksman village, Maron road, Punjab at once after you see the pictures. Have a good day!.”
At first she thought it was funny and somebody played a prank. And then, she suddenly remembered MARKSMAN VILLAGE, PUNJAB. The same place where she murdered the person. She fumbled for the envelope in the box and quickly opened it. “OH NO!!!” she screamed so hard after looking at the photographs. She became numb. Her lips grew white. With her trembling fingers, she took a glass of water and gulped it down her throat. She gathered herself and sat on the chair. Only after a couple of minutes, her cerebrum started working. Her emotions began to change. Everything made sense to her now. Even in her grieving period, she felt happy and grateful. Now she knew who the person was and why she killed him and which GREATEST SECRET Noor was referring to in her letter.
In 2005, in the struggling years of their company, Yemen’s President invited the girls for lunch. He proposed the girls with a business deal wherein he asked the girls to pay him 15000 million dollars and he would set up an oil manufacturing plant in Yemen with it. “15000 million is too much.” said Sargun. “Doesn’t matter Sargun, we can raise that money by dropping a company’s share price.”said Noor. Soon, within a few months, they paid 15000 million dollars to him in the hope that the oil plant would benefit their company greatly.
“STOP IT NOOR!! He is the PRESIDENT,”said Sargun. “SO WHAT? He did wrong to us, I’ll do the double wrong to him,” replied Noor. “BUT………” “You have to come with me. OKAY? Otherwise I’ll do it alone.” The President had kept all that money and had set up a juice factory instead using one million dollar merely thinking that these young girls could do nothing as he was THE PRESIDENT OF YEMEN, a man of great political influence.
Noor always had immense interest in studying chemicals. In 2006, Noor and Sargun sat in their hotel room in Yemen. “Here, take these!” said Sargun handling over powedered arsenic. “Small amount of this affects brain,” said Noor putting the powder into the test tube. After that, she put 5 different types of herbs ,which she got from the fields of Assam, India, into the test tube. “With this, Mr. President will gradually turn mad and this wouldn’t be detected from his blood,”said Noor. “Good job! Noor. Now let’s invite him to a Chinese restaurant and we will put this in the Hakka noodles,”said Sargun. They decided to dine out and not in their hotel in order to leave no clue of suspicion for anyone.
“Thank you for the lunch girls! Your company will greatly benefit from this juice factory,” said the President. “Thank you for all your help Sir and we look forward to much more,”said Sargun. Gradually, the President lost his mental health and was mad for the rest of his life. His blood samples proved nothing.
Nobody ever knew anything but this RAW AGENT found out the truth from his investigation. After five long years, he blackmailed both of them with these photographs which he sent to Sargun. With a lighter, Sargun burnt these photographs of Noor, Sargun and the President dining in the Chinese restaurant. And the only man who knew their GREATEST SECRET was dead. Sargun shot him straight on the head.
“You just have a few moments left,” said the doctor. Her tone was firm yet sad. She felt sorry for the patient lying infront of her. The patient was in her early twenties. The girl looked pale yet beautiful even in the hospital bed. The death bed. Noor was lying in the bed wearing amber coloured medical dress given to the patients. Everbody stood before her eyes. Her parents. Her siblings. And her relatives. She could see everyone going through a different set of emotions. She didn’t want anyone to cry. She knew that she had a few moments left.
“Do you have any last wish ?” asked Noor’s mother. It was perhaps the most difficult question she would have ever asked anyone in her entire life. She wanted to cry and was in agony. She would have used these moments howling and complaining. Instead, she chose it to spend the last few moments confidently with her daughter. Noor was in deep pain. She could see and experience death from very close. She wanted to say something but was unable to. With alot of courage, she managed to utter a single word, “Maa ! S, S.”
“Come on! Speak up”, said Noor’s mom. “Sargun! I want her here.” No sooner did she say that than the graph on the ventilator started to go slow. Soon, her heart was about to stop. She couldn’t breathe and the doctors put an oxygen mask on her face. The amount of pain that she was going through was could be seen on her face clearly. It was unbearable. People and images infront of her began to fade. She could see her life going away from her. Her vision become blur.
She just wanted to see Sargun for the last time. Deep inside, she was praying for her to reach soon. Very soon for Noor had very less time left. But, she thought that she would have to leave before saying the last goodbye to her friend. Suddenly, everyone was shocked to see a smile on Noor’s face. Perhaps, the last smile. Her face lit up with a pretty smile when she saw Sargun came running towards her. No sooner did Sargun hold Noor’s hand than Noor’s vision became black. “Hey Noor! I’m here,” said Sargun. The graph on the ventilator drew straight. Noor’s eyes were closed now. Her one hand rested peacefully in her mum’s hand and the other one in Sargun’s palm.
“Noor!” shouted Sargun. She was shouting her name loudly, constantly. “Noor! BLOODY YOU NEED TO GET UP, you wanted to talk to me, right? GET UP!,” said Sargun fiercly. Sargun was almost crying now. She had tears of repentance that she made it late to the hospital. Sargun was howling and screaming when suddenly she glanced on a green packet lying beside Noor’s bed which had Sargun’s name on it. The packet was completely sealed with multiple scotch tapes on it. The packet read, ‘FOR SARGUN, FROM NOOR.’
By looking at Noor’s handwriting, tears rolled down from Sargun’s eyes. Her heart was broken. She weeped. But, she was curious and very eager to break the seal of the green envelope. Hardly had she opened the packet when she was completely shocked. Her fingers became numb and her face grew pale. Inside the packet, lied a picture of a man and some bloodstained letters. She unfolded the first letter and it read
” DEAR SARGUN ! I WILL BE GONE WHEN YOU READ THIS. FIRSTLY, I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU FOR BEING A PART OF MY LIFE. THERE ARE THREE LETTERS, THIS IS THE FIRST ONE. YOU HAVE TO OPEN THE OTHER TWO LETTERS CONSECUTIVELY AFTER A WEEK FROM NOW. ENCLOSED IN THIS PACKET IS A PICTURE. A VERY IMPORTANT PICTURE. TONIGHT AFTER CREMATION, YOU HAVE A PLACE TO GO. THE ADDRESS IS #3, MARKSMAN VILLAGE, MARON ROAD, PUNJAB. ONCE YOU GO THERE, YOU’LL KNOW WHAT TO DO NEXT. AND REMEMBER TO GO ALONE. THANK YOU.”
Sargun was Noor’s best friend since childhood. Their friendship was different. They didn’t click much pictures or gossiped alot unlike other teenagers. But, there was something different about the two that people often envied. Immense faith and trust on each other had made their friendship grow popular among peers.
Noor’s body was given to her parents and the cremation was done. Everyone was crying for Noor was just twenty four. Too young to die. Her mother had to be hospitalized in order to bear with the trauma of her young daughter’s death. Everyone else was equally affected.
“Hey, which was is house no. 3 on this road?” asked Sargun to a passerby. “Go straight and take the second left and it will be on your right side.” Soon, Sargun reached the place and parked her jeep. The house was in a dilapidated condition. The darkness of the night made it look even scarier. She entered and it seemed like no one had lived in there for years. There was dust all around. After walking a few steps, she tripped over something and fell down. There was a huge stone and on it was carved an ‘S’. She moved the stone aside and began to dig. She was taken aback when she saw that there lied a loaded gun and a bottle of alcohol. As soon as she saw a slip on them with Noor’s name, she took it and kept it in her bag. She started the car, pushed the accelerator and drove off.
While driving her jeep, Sargun was in a terrible conditon. She had loved her friend unconditionally and there she was- trying to make sense of whatever was happening. She was constantly thinking about Noor, Noor’s death and Noor’s mysterious letters. The rush of emotions and hormones inside Sargun’s body was getting uncontrollable. She couldn’t stop crying and exceeded the speed limit. While driving, she raised the volume of the music and screamed on top of her voice out of frustration. She was waiting eagerly for the following week to open the next letter.
With a cup of coffee in her hand, in her study room, Sargun opened the second letter. It read, “I HOPE YOU’VE GOT THE GUN AND WHISKEY. NOW, FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY SARGUN. ON THE 5th OF FEBRUARY, GO TO SIMON VILLAGE AND YOU WILL FIND A MAN THERE. HIS PICTURE IS ENCLOSED IN THIS PACKET. AS SOON AS YOU SPOT HIM, JUST SHOOT HIM IN THE HEAD. REMEMBER, ON HIS HEAD. HAVING DONE THAT, DRAG HIS BODY INTO YOUR JEEP AND DRIVE TO A PLACE ‘KHAMZAYA VILLAGE’ , 25 KM AWAY FROM SIMON VILLAGE. ONCE YOU REACH THERE, DIG A PIT AND DRAG HIS BODY INTO IT. HAVING DONE THAT, WASH THE GUN WITH ALCOHOL AND THROW IT INTO THE SAME PIT AND COVER THE THING. WITH THE REMAINING WHISKEY, WASH YOUR JEEP FROM INSIDE AND QUICKLY DRIVE TO THE AIRPORT. ON THE MORNING OF 6th AT SHARP 6.00 AM, I HAVE BOOKED YOUR FLIGHT TO CANADA. GOOD LUCK! “
“Can I have you passport please.” “Sure,” said Sargun. It was sixth of Feb and Sargun had beads of perspiration on her head while she checked in. After murdering a person successfully, she seated herself in the airplane. Her confidence was commendable. She executed the plan and boarded the plane without any uneasiness. “YES ! A glass of red wine please.” said Sargun. “Sure Ma’am,” replied air hostess with a warm smile. After having her glass, she relaxed herself. Taking into account that the woman sitting next to her was sleeping Sargun pulled out the last letter from her purse. It read
” GOOD JOB MY GIRL !!! I’M PROUD OF YOUR BRAVERY. I KNOW YOU WOULD FOLLOW MY INSTRUCTIONS. YOU MUST BE THINKING THAT WHY I MADE YOU A KILLER. WELL, THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE. THIS MAN KNEW OUR SECRET. THE SECRET THAT WE HAVE PRESERVED FOR YEARS. BUT NOW, AFTER MY DEATH, THIS MAN WOULD NOT REMAIN SILENT. IF THIS MAN HAD BEEN ALIVE, HE WOULD HAVE DESTROYED YOUR CAREER AND FUTURE BY BREAKING HIS SILENCE. BUT, SINCE YOU HAVE KILLED HIM, THERE IS NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. THE ONLY MAN WHO KNEW THE ‘GREATEST SECRET’ IS NOW DEAD. CHEERS TO YOUR NEW LIFE !! AND GOODBYE MY FRIEND, THIS IS THE LAST GOODBYE. “
“Everything went horribly wrong that evening,”said Fadeeha. It had been a week since that incident took place and Fadeeha had been sitting in her room all alone ever since then. Devastated and feeling dejected. she had been sobbing constantly. “Fadeeha, it has been a week since you are sitting in such a state. I have never seen you like this before”, said Fadeeha’s mother demanding an explanation from her daughter. There is silence in Fadeeha’s eyes. “Just tell me what happened that evening that you are so reluctant to get out of your room. You didn’t even get out of your room once since the past week,” said Fadeeha’s mother.
Kartar was Fadeeha’s best friend. At this point of time, he didn’t leave his best friend. Instead he was sitting beside her and held her hand and said, “Let it out ! tell your mother whatever happened and cry as loudly as you want to. I and your mom, we both are here for you.” Kartar was trying his best to comfort his friend.
Fadeeha nodded and calmed herself down, gathered courage and decided to narrate that evening to her mother. “Mumma ! that was a perfect evening. It was Somani’s birthday party. She had organised a grand party wherein she invited all of her relatives and friends. I was so excited for the feast that I got a pretty white dress stiched and bought a pair of matching high heels.” Having said that her face reddened and she started weeping and howling loudly in utmost mental agony. She completely broke down. That incident had affected her so gravely that she was deeply disturbed.
“Here ! sip this water and speak up Fadeeha ! let it out. It is important for you to let it out and lighten your heavy heart”, said Kartar handing her a glass of water. She continued, “Then, we were all dancing and enjoying when suddenly, i heard a strange remark ‘Oh my god! Look at that girl in the white dress. It’s all spoiled with blood’, said a lady in her early forties. No sooner did I look at my dress than I saw that it was all stained. I was embarrassed and disappointed. I was menstruating. My cycle had begun out of the dates completely and I had no clue that my dress was stained until that lady drew everybody’s attention to me. Then another lady shouted, ‘Such a shameless girl ! she cannot even take of herself and on top of that she is dancing.’
” By now, everybody had their eyes on me and there were all kinds of gossips in the crowd. Some of them even made fun of me. I stood there blank, expressionless and shocked. I was crying in utter embarrassment. I had no clue how the fuck I was supposed to behave in such a situation. There I stood crying in my ivory stained dress. Then Kartar came and rescued me. No sooner did he come and gave me his overcoat to me that I covered my dress. Having done that, he looked fiercely into that lady’s eyes and said,’ I never thought that one woman can insult another woman like that. Instead of helping her, you are embarrassing her infront of everyone. Then, he wiped my tears off and said, ‘It’s fine Fadeeha! It’s natural, if that wouldn’t happened to women then none of us would have existed.’ He held my hand and took me out of there and brought me home. “
Fadeeha felt relieved after narrating the story to her mother. “Come Fadeeha ! I want to take you somewhere”, said Kartar. Looking into his eyes Fadeeha couldn’t say no to her friend. Then, Kartar took her to the car and drove off. He took Fadeeha to a mental hospital. “Look Fadeeha! see how people are suffering and their parents are strong enough to help them and admit that their children are not mentally fit. They are not embarrassed of their children”, said Kartar.
Fadeeha’s eyes welled up and she said,” Thank you Kartar for everything. Thank you helping me out that evening and thank for being with me today. Now, I have understood your point that I should not be embarrassed for whatever happened. Because that situation was not under my control.”